The following reflection was written by Sunflower.

Yesterday, I had my weekly OB appointment. The last few visits have felt like an out-of-body experience but yesterday topped them all. As I sat there waiting to be called back, I sat next to a 19-year-old girl who shared with me her struggle with endometriosis. They are talking about doing a complete hysterectomy on her at her young age, a decision that will impact her life forever. I can’t even imagine.

Then my name got called and I walked back and did the routine checks. The nurse looked at me and said “You are picture-perfect!” Oh my–words I had never really heard before, not even with my first pregnancy. As I turned to leave, I glanced behind me and before my eyes sat a young girl crying with her husband. She caught my eyes and I saw her glance at my stomach and quickly look away. My heart dropped…I knew all to well what she was facing.

As I left, I tried hard to hide my belly and walk as quickly as I could because I knew in that moment I was a girl she hated. And I totally understand and receive those emotions from her. She has every right.

I remember the day we found out about our molar pregnancy. All I wanted to do was get out of that office–the office that now held all my fears, all my anger, all my sadness… and yet there I had to sit across from a very pregnant lady who was getting the news that she was “picture perfect…” while I got the news that my baby was no longer alive. I hated her in that moment. I did not care what her story was, or the journey she was on. All I knew is that she had what I desperately wanted and I did not understand why her and not me.

Now years later, I sit on the side that I spent so much time hating. I hated the birth announcements, the pregnancy news, the baby showers and baby sections in stores. I avoided pregnant bellies like they were the plague, and I left any conversation that had to do with babies. Now here I sit…on the other side.

Because of my experiences, I have been robbed me of my innocence. As I sit on the other side, I am forever grateful that the Lord has granted me with this gift—yes, gift. As for the young woman crying, I pray for her, sympathize with her, and do everything I can to stay clear of her so that I do not cause more pain. I find myself doing this always. When I am out shopping, I notice the women who look away…and I embrace that. I don’t take offense. I notice and pray for them.

I don’t know why, friends—why I sit on the other side now. I don’t know, but I am humbled beyond words. I can promise you though that I remember feeling, and honestly really believing, that a normal pregnancy was never going to happen to me…no not me…But God is a big God, with Big plans and I believe He really does grant us our hearts’ desires. So friend, if you are on the other side listening to me thinking “that will never be me…”, that was my story too. But it wasn’t the end of my story. Your story is still being told, too.